Flawed
by spit-fire extraordinaire
Summary: There is a fine line between love and pain...They just crossed it.
1. Suicidal

"Kam! I knocked on your door but…" Ethan looked from across the island in her kitchen to the living room. There was…blood. Everywhere. And Kamryn was in the middle of it, one of her prized knives (_"Ethan Wayne! You touch my freakin' knives and I will cut your junk off with one of them!"_) He never could figure out why they were so important. Maybe this was why. This was her way out. All those poems he had found, yeah, just inspiration from _Wuthering Heights_. "Kamryn!"

There was so much blood… She was passed out, blood going down her arms and her stomach. Obviously, it hadn't been for long, she wasn't blue. He'd gotten here just in time, again. He ripped out his phone and desperately tried to finger the buttons. They were three little numbers. Why was this so hard? Stupid touch screen Iphone 7, so freaking small that he couldn't save her. He grabbed some of the laundry around her and dabbed her the cuts on her arms…There was far too much blood for his liking.

"Hello? This is Cynthia and you have called 911, Seattle. How may I help you?" The lady, Cynthia, sounded tired but he didn't really care. She was BLEEDING. Trying to kill herself. This must of hurt so much. "Excuse me? Is anyone there?"

"Yes! My friend has attempted suicide. She's passed out. There are a lot of cuts. So much blood. I…she…just get here!"

"Okay, sir. Calm down. Can I have your name?"

"Ethan Wayne."

"Okay. Now, did you see the attempt happen."

"Um. No, of course not."

"Do you know what she cut herself with?"

"A giant kitchen knife…Look don't you need the address?" He was getting impatient. This lady was insane! How the hell was she so calm? Kamryn was dying! He hadn't…He didn't…No. He wasn't going to think like that. She was going to live.

"Sir, I have a GPS lock on your phone and there is an ambulance on the way. Try to slow the bleeding and stay calm. You must really love her. I hardly hear husbands this frantic. I hope she's okay…"

"Thank you, so much."

* * *

><p>And now?<p>

He was getting off the phone with Emily, his girlfriend and Kamryn's best friend. Her parents were on their way. Samuel couldn't make it, he was in Barcelona playing for the championship. And Stella was staying with her, Sam, and Kamryn's grandparents. Everything was in order, god, it was like a funeral. But she wasn't dead. She was weak and tired but the cuts were all bandaged and she had been put on antidepressants.

"Ethan! Got your butt back in here! I want to talk to you." He managed to put his phone away and walk back into the room to see her. Her hair was greasy and stringy, bangs falling out of her loose ponytail. Her dark blue eyes were lighter than they were but he could see the defeat in her eyes now. She thought she had failed. "Good boy, darlin. Now…"

"Your welcome for saving your life."

"I don't want to thank you. I want to tell you that I'm pissed as hell at you."

Okay, I'll give you a hint. He hadn't expected that. "…Why?"

"You have saved my life twice. Both times I didn't want you to. The only reason I'm alive is because of you! Has it ever occurred to you that I want to die?" She said. "I'm tired. I want to leave this world. I don't have a boyfriend, only family loves me-"

"That's not true. Em, she loves you."

"No she doesn't. She hates me. Because she thinks she is less important than me. But that isn't true. She wouldn't care if I died. She'd rejoice. She'd have a party and get high." Kamryn said, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Kam…Kam. Don't. She's right. You are more important. But I'm tied to her. I…I love you but-"

"What? Am I too scarred and broken for the perfect Ethan Scott Wayne? Is that it? And you need beautiful, skinny Emily Conn to make you complete…"

"No! Will you stop, okay? Emily is not beautiful. She is skinny. A freaking anorexic. You are healthy. You are beautiful and smart and funny and perfect. Aside from this…"

"Just shut up, okay? I'm suicidal and depressed! I'm not perfect! I'm a jerk, a selfish bitch who doesn't deserve you. Just let me die the next time."

Ethan just, like, snapped right then. There was no way she was killing herself next time. No-freaking-way. So he stooped down over her petite body with his large, tall one and looked her in the eyes with his light blue irises. "You will not kill yourself and I will not let you. I'll do whatever you want, if that helps at all. I need you, love. Legit."

She finally cracked a smile there. "Le-git. Haha." When she smiled the next time, it seemed a little bit more real than the other times she had in the past day. "I love you, darlin."

"I love you, too."

"You said you'd do whatever I want."

"Yeah. Yeah, Kam, anything you want."

"…Get out, Ethan. Go home to Emily."

He hadn't expected that one either. A kiss, maybe. And maybe him dumping Emily. He would have gladly done both if it meant her being happy but, this? Even standing outside that room talking to people made him want to die, just because he wasn't in the same room as her. But walking away from her? Being with Emily now that he had told her…everything? There was no way. "Uh…Okay, love. Whatever you say. I'm going to call Kurt and say that…I don't know what I'm going to say but-"

"I don't give a shit. Just take your perfect self and go back to your perfectly perfect life and your perfectly perfect girlfriend."

"Okay. I'll call your mom to see how your doing." He said, still somewhat dumbfounded by her request. Was she really that upset? Yeah, probably…

So he stepped away from her bedside and walked out. What more could he do? What other choice did she give him? Maybe she was right. He was too perfect.

But just because you acknowledge a problem doesn't mean you change it right then and there.

* * *

><p>Poem Fifty Eight (Intricate Mask)<p>

I hate this,

Living in the shadows.

I hate this

Intricate mask that I put on everyday.

I told you

That you wouldn't notice.

You told me

That you would see behind the smiles.

But you're not.

Did it ever occur to you

That I wanted you to save me?

Did you ever think

That I wanted you to argue?

Of course not,

Because she's more important.

And I hide it behind smiles,

Behind jokes.

I hide the pain and the anger

It's a sacrifice of the greatest kind.

One that will never find light because it has to hide.

I told you it would be this way…

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><p><strong>SO, HOW WAS THIS? I HAVE SOME STUFF ON <strong>_**NCIS**_** FANFICTION. SO CHECK THAT OUT IF YOU LIKE THIS. **

**FROM: SPIT-FIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE **


	2. I Don't Know

**I know it's not supposed to be on here, but I can't post it on fictionpress just yet. So be patient. If you like, I can continue on both...I guess...  
><strong>

**Pleasant reviews and constructive criticism.**

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><p>It…<strong>hurt<strong> so much. The knife was everywhere, cutting somewhere then moving on somewhere else. Brief, stinging pain was all she felt and then it was gone. She had to cut more. This pain was so much better than the pain she felt around Ethan. This was welcoming, loving almost. She imagined what would happen after she finally lost too much blood to go on. He would come into her apartment, everything looking the same, his perfect smile coming to his perfect lips and then, he'd see it. All the blood, and her in the middle of it.

Oh, she was almost giddy at the thought of what he would be feeling when he saw her. He would probably try to save her, like he had last time. But it wouldn't work, not this time. He would have so many regrets. His perfect life would finally be tarnished and broken. **He'd** probably start drinking, he was SO unoriginal, and break up with Emily. But that was all good. That was all her plan. Get rid of her pain and add more to his. But then he'd get over it, go back to Emily and beg for her back.

She could practically see it now, she was no longer watching her hands cutting herself. She could no longer feel the pain. It was all pleasure now. It was almost like God was granting her one last wish, to just **die** and not have the consequences of all the pain that went with it. She could now see Ethan and Emily, standing in the bitch's doorway. Then they'd clash together in false placed passion. Her thin, dark brown hair clashing with his thick, caramel locks. Emily's long, manicured nails digging into his scalp through the long, thick hair. And Ethan clinging to her just desperately. His hands would grip her abnormally thin waist like a lifeline, because it was. He would need the complete opposite to her short, curvy fair-skinned body. The only other option was joining her, but no, he was too fucking perfect for that.

One slip of her hand brought her back to reality. Right over her tattoo of Ethan's initials on her hip, was a extremely deep cut. It was absolutely gushing blood and she was starting to feel dizzy. This was it. The moment she had worked towards. She was finally escaping his grasp on her. Her scarred and broken body would forever imprint his mind and he wouldn't escape. Not really.

And, finally., taking one last look of that picture of them from when she was a freshman at high school she was transported to the past, passing out from the amount of blood loss and pain she was feeling.

* * *

><p><em>She was walking from the freshman part of Gran Cooley high school to Ethan's locker, all the way in Juniors' section. She had never been a shy person but, really, her? A little ninth grader walking toward perfect Ethan Wayne? It was practically unheard of. Which was precisely why she was doing it. She had 15 minutes before she had to be in Ms. Krider's class, so she could spend it chatting with her best friend. "Hey Ethan." She said smiling as she found him leaning against his locked, completely engrossed with his Ipod. When he didn't look up she tour the earphones out of his ear. <em>

"_Hey! What the hell?" He yelled as he grabbed the earphones from her petite hands. _

"_I said hi to you. You didn't answer. So I got rid of the problem." She said sweetly. _

"_Oh, sorry. Hi, Kam." _

"_Good job, darlin." She said as she hugged him. _

"_Only for you, love." He whispered into her hair. She stepped away and looked up at him. She could barely reach his bicep, dude was so tall. Or she was just that short. "God, you are short." He said._

"_Okay, just for your information, I am 5'5!"_

"_Okay, just for your information, I am 6'2." He said laughing. They started arguing playfully when Aubrianna came up with her ever present camera. _

"_Hi, guys." _

"_Hi, Aubri. Taking pictures for the yearbook already?" Kamryn said as she leaned against a random locker near Ethan's, Ethan put his arm over her shoulders and leaned with her. _

"_Yeah, yeah. It's not for the yearbook. Principal Campbell is letting us make a website so I'm going to color it up a little bit. Can I take your guys' picture? You look so cute!" She squealed the last part._

_Kamryn winced. "Okay, Aubri, as much as I love you, the squealing needs to be brought down a notch…"_

"_Or three thousand." Ethan said playfully. "Whatever works for you."_

"_Yeah, what he said."_

_Aubrianna just stuck her tongue out at them. "So can I take your picture or not?"_

"_Yeah. You can." _

"_Great!" She squealed. "Oh! Sorry. Okay, yeah, stand like that Ethan. Actually, no. get behind Kamryn and put your arms around her waist. Good! Kam, put your hands over his. Ethan, wouldn't be cute if you put your head on top of hers?…That wasn't a request." She said. "Okay, one…two…three, CHEESE!" The camera snapped the photo. Aubrianna looked at it for one second and then smiled brilliantly. "Awesome. Thanks guys." _

"_Wait! Can I see the picture? I think my eyes were closed!" Ethan yelled after her. He stepped away from Kamryn. _

"_Ha. You are so immature." She said as she rolled her eyes at him._

"_Mmhhm, says the girl who ripped my beloved earphones from my ears."_

"_Point proven right there, darlin. Thanks for your help." She smiled. She always smiled so much around him, she couldn't help it. There really was no other option with him. Just then the bell rung for 7:30. "Crap, I have to get to class." _

"_Okay, I'll text you later. Keep your phone on vibrate." He said as he moved in the direction of his first class. _

"_Hardy har har…Jerk." _

"_You know you love me." He said jokingly, hugging her before pushing her in the opposite direction as him. "Now, go. Before you're late." _

_Those moments were forever the happiest she would ever have. _

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><p>When she woke up, she was in a hospital. She knew she had failed. Ethan had gotten there in time. Damn it! He was always there…<p>

She looked around her room, so colorless and without a personality, so much like Ethan…But, she loved him. Because when he was with her, there was hope. He gave her hope. And she gave him that color she always thought he should have. She looked outside her room to see Ethan standing there, looking tired and scared. He must not have left, she thought.

When she got off the phone she called for him to come inside. She needed to talk to him. She could see him studying her, weighing his options. Just like she was. He had to leave. He didn't belong here, looking after her. And when he told her he loved her…That wasn't how it was supposed to go. So she told him to leave. And she could see how shocked he was. How hurt. But she willed herself not to care. She absolutely could not care.

And once he left, she was just angrier. She wanted him to fight her. She wanted him to get in her face and say that he wasn't going to leave her. Ever. But, she had told him to leave hadn't she? God…she was so stupid. Letting her emotions, her **aggression**, get the best of her. Her and her stupid need to be stronger then he thinks she is.

"Oh! Kammy! My baby!" Her mom said as she ran in to hug her tightly. "Why did you do this?"

"Because I'm suicidal, Mom."

"But, why? Why would you be so stupid?" Her mother shrieked.

Kamryn did not need this right now. Her mother doing what she always did, criticizing her. Even when she hadn't done anything wrong her mom wouldn't cut her some slack. Ever. "I am 26. I can kick you out of my room if I want to. Where's Kurt?"

"I…I'll go get him." Her mom said quietly, stunned that her own daughter would even threaten something like that. She hadn't done anything wrong. Had she?

A few minutes later a balding man in his early forties walked into her room cautiously. "Hey, Princess. How are you?"

"Pissed off."

"At your mom? Or is it Ethan?"

"Both." She growled out. "Please don't bring Ethan up, I can't handle that right now. Just keep my mom away from me. Please."

"Well…since you told me not to. I will." He said as he sat down beside her bed. "So what happened with you and Ethan? Do I need to bring out my shotgun?"

Kamryn laughed emotionlessly. "No. He was…perfect."

"And that's a problem?" Kurt said. "Princess, isn't that what you want?"

"No! I want someone as broken as I am. I want someone…scarred."

"Kamryn, Ethan's not perfect. He's not. He just…he feels like he has to be strong. I don't know why. I don't know his reasons, but it's how he feels."

"Why do I suddenly feel like I'm being lied to?"

"Dammit! I don't have the answers. All I know is that you sent him away for being perfect, you have attempted suicide twice now, and he is the only one you talk to anymore. You have detached yourself from your family, you don't even come home for Christmas any-"

"Oh, I'm sorry that my being suicidal is messing up with your Christmas plans, Kurt! Why is everyone so worried? I want to die. That's nothing new. The only difference is that no matter what I do, I can't die." She yelled.

"Have you ever thought that maybe you're not supposed to die? Maybe you're supposed to live. Be happy."

"I probably am. But I'm not." She said quietly. "I don't know why I'm not happy anymore."

* * *

><p>Poem Thirty (Whirlwind)<p>

I am replaying the memories in my mind

And I can't ever seem to press rewind.

Everything is play as a whirlwind,

A competition between falling under and just falling in.

Only love can save me.

Only that ambrosia will set me free.

You think it best not to give it to me,

But, darling, I have to disagree.

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><p><strong>So, how was it, peoples? I think it was good:D <strong>

**This is the best I have written in a while and I really wanna keep it up. Tell me, what did I do wrong? What should I do next?**

**SEE YAS:**

**Spit-fire Extraordinaire  
><strong>


	3. I Don't Think I Am

**I'm back! And annoyed. No one has reviewed! Should I send it somewhere else? I think I will move this somewhere so people start reading it…**

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><p>Ethan took his time driving home. He didn't want to be anywhere near Emily right now. In fact, he didn't want to be around her so much that he went to a bar instead of going straight home.<p>

"Hi, son. What can I get ya?" The burly barman asked him. He was big, bald, and had a ring on his finger. Hmmm, Ethan wouldn't have pegged him as the marriage-type guy. Biker, hell yes. Married man, no.

"Just a beer. I need to drive home tonight."

"Sure." As he laid the bottle of Coors' down he said, "So fighting with your girl?"

Oh god, this was getting cheesy. Ethan shrugged, "One of them."

"You have a daughter? Well, you look around 30...I guess that makes sense."

Ethan laughed. "No, if I had a daughter it would be so much easier. No, I was banished from my best friend's hospital room, by my best friend, who I happen to be in love with and I'm going to get an earful at home from a girlfriend I completely hate."

"And I thought this only happened in movies…" The barman whispered. He turned and got himself a beer, the place was relatively empty anyways. "Name's Jack."

"Ethan."

"Well, I think it's obvious. Dump the skank for the girl you love." Jack said, taking a big swig of his beer. "Is it that hard?"

"I don't know if she-" _RIINNNGGG_ "Speak of the she-devil. I have to take this…Yes, Emily?"

"_Where the hell are you?"_

"With my friend Jack." Ethan said, Jack cracked a smile and went to kick out a drunk old man.

"_You don't have a friend named Jack."_

"How would you know? I do have a job, you know."

"_You are an architect. You draw. That's not a job."_

"It is if it pays. Look, I'm on my way home now. Happy?"

"_Not yet." She said seductively. _

Oh…GOD. No way. She never wanted…Why… "Shouldn't you be at the hospital anyway? Your best friend is hurt."

"_Shouldn't you?"_

"…She told me to go home…I'll be there soon. Bye." He said and quickly hung up. "Thanks for the beer, Jack. How much?" He asked reaching for his wallet.

"I like you, boy, so I'll give ya a discount. Four dollars." Ethan took out his money and put it on the bar. "I hope you get your girl. I know what I would have done for my Anne and I think you would do the same. Don't give up."

"Thanks…I gotta go."

* * *

><p>"Where were you?" Emily asked angrily as he walked in the door.<p>

"Why do you care?" He said bitterly.

"Because you are my boyfriend and I want to know if my boyfriend was-"

"Was what?" Ethan said angrily. "Cheating on you? Trust me, the only person I would cheat on you with is angry at me right now. You're in the clear."

"Kamryn?" She shrieked. "You would cheat on me with that bitch?"

"She's your best friend too! Or have you forgotten?"

"She was **never **my best friend. I wish you had let her **die**. That way we could be happy without her ruining everything!"

Ethan was angrily silent for a few seconds then he coldly said, "Get out of my apartment. I don't give a shit where you go or who you do to get there but I want you out. Now."

"Can I at least grab my purse?"

"Sure." He said walking away from her. "Shut the door on your way out."

"You are making a big mistake!"

"No. I don't think I am…"

* * *

><p>Poem Twenty Four (You)<p>

You make me so angry,

Yet you make me want more.

You don't know how much what you're saying hurts

Yet I let you say it anyway.

You don't know how much I still love you,

Because I don't want you to know.

Yet I get the feeling that you wouldn't mind if I told you.

Because you already knew anyway.

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><p><strong>This felt kind of short but I have to save some miserable Ethan for the next chapter he's in…<strong>

**Love Always,**

**Spit-fire Extraordinaire. **


	4. Tied Together With A Smile

**I'm on a freaking roll right now…Maybe because this is a story kind of close to home… Okay, in this chapter Kamryn is being discharged, she moves in with her parents, and goes back to the ol' homestead. Yeah, that's right. GRAN COOLEY! Song belongs to Taylor…You'll know it when you get there.**

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><p>"How are you today, Miss Napper?" The nurse said smiling at her…What was her name? Oh yeah, Daphne.<p>

"I'm good, thanks Daphne. Do I get discharged today? I really want to go home."

Daphne was looking at her chart but when she looked up she said, "Yeah. Everything looks good, physically but I suggest some therapy for the…depression." Of course you do, Kamryn thought. "I'll go get the papers."

"Thanks so much." She said with a fake smile. God, she hated nurses. Always saying "Get some therapy." Now she remembered why she hated hospitals.

Her aunt Linda walked into the room, her whole family had jetted to Seattle from their various locations in Oregon and Washington. Aunt Linda and uncle Brian actually lived near Forks with their sons Zyler and Milo. "Hey, chica. How you feeling?"

"I'm okay. Just want to go home." She said, she really wanted to go home. She hated having everyone fawn over her like this. It was so annoying. She wasn't going to flipping breathe into her IV or anything…Not that she hadn't thought about it, but she wasn't going to.

"Look, sweetie, about that…We've all been talking and we figured it was best to have you close shop and move back to Gran Cooley. You know, so we can watch over you."

"I'm fine! I don't need-"

"Yes you do. You need help. And you need it quickly. Because something's telling me that Ethan won't be able to save you next time. If we let there be a next time." Linda said forcefully, taking her hand. "You are so talented and beautiful, sweetie. I don't want to see you waste that."

Kamryn was silent for a long while, grinding her teeth, thinking about the options in front of her. She wanted to die yes, but if it wouldn't cause Ethan pain then…She might as well hold off for a while. Maybe finally put that teaching license to good use. Maybe she could find someone and forget Ethan. Maybe…maybe this was a good thing. "Just until I get better…"

Within a few hours, Kamryn was discharged and her brother went with her to her apartment to pack everything up. "You didn't have to ditch Barcelona just to see me, Sam."

"Yeah I did. You're my older sister. I have to help you anyway I can." He said nonchalantly. He reached up to get some more books to pack. "Wow…Dr. Seuss? Winnie the Pooh…Sis, I didn't know you still had these."

"Well, once upon a time, I wanted kids. I guess I was preparing." She said as she moved a another box to the growing pile in the middle of her apartment. Her couch and everything else her parents would provide were gone.

"Oh."

"Yeah…"

It took a day and a half to get everything packed and put in a truck headed toward Gran Cooley. Sam was on his way back to Barcelona so she was driving herself, finally getting a moment's peace, with her mom and Kurt driving behind her.

A half an hour in complete silence is torture. To anyone, not just suicidal people. So Kamryn plugged her Ipod into her car's radio and turned up the music, hitting Shuffle. Just her luck, "Tied Together With A Smile" by Taylor Swift was the first on her list. She was tempted to press fast-forward but she needed to hear this. She wanted some happy memories of the way she once was. Unbroken and young and in love…Complete perfection in it's most innocent form…God, she missed those days.

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><p><em>It was homecoming at Gran Cooley tonight. And she was going with some of her best friends, Katii, Brooke, Abby, and Sarah. None of them had dates but their reasoning was "Look hot and make their mouths drop." They were all sure that they would make guys' pants tighten and that was Kamryn's precise plan. For Ethan Scott Wayne. <em>

"_Kamryn! Oh my god! You look freaking amazing!" Sarah squealed. _

"_You do too, Sarah! Oh my god! Katii Biller! You bitch, you look hot!" Kamryn said as she finished putting on her makeup. It was nothing special, just a little something to match her black and purple mini dress. _

_After much squealing and laughter, a car horn sounded in the front of her house. "Oh, Ethan's here. Oh my god, I don't think he has a date." Brooke said. _

"_Well let's get down there before he gets one, Brookey." Kamryn said as she skipped down the steps. When she opened the door Ethan was standing there in a black suit. His light blue eyes made an extremely slow journey up her body and she found herself blushing. "Hi Ethan. You look quite handsome."_

"_You too…Beautiful, I mean. Not handsome…Not that you couldn't I mean…I'm just going to shut up now."_

"_Good call, darlin." Kamryn chuckled. "We're all ready we just want some pictures. Can we wait?"_

_Ethan looked at his watch, they had a good half hour actually. He was just so anxious to see Kamryn in that stupid dress that he had found himself fantasizing about for days now. He shouldn't be feeling like this, she was 15 for Christ's sake and he was 17. It was almost like being a pedophile. Almost._

_Luckily, the pictures went quickly so he didn't have to deal with glares from Kurt and Sam because he knew that he was staring at Kamryn __**very**__ openly. _

_When they arrived at the dance he could feel every male's eye on one of the girls walking in with him. But he was certain that most of them were on Kamryn. So the first thing he did was steer her to a seat and sat down with her so that he could wordlessly and successfully claim her as his…Not that she was though, god no…_**(A/N: YEAH RIGHT)**

_The rest of the night was uneventful and unimportant in his eyes until a Taylor Swift song came on that made Kamryn look sad. "Hey, Kam, what's wrong?" _

"_Nothing this song is just…Really spot on." Once she said that he decided to listen carefully to the song but he didn't have to, she had started singing it. "I guess it's true that love was all you wanted, cause you're…giving it away like it's extra change. Hoping it'll end up in his pocket. But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain…" At that he decidedly stood her on her feet and started dancing with her, right there. "Ethan…What are you doing?"_

"_I'm not going to leave you out like a penny in the rain, love." He said softly. "Ever."_

"_Really?" She asked…She sounded so hopeful. But he knew he had to backtrack, he hadn't meant say that._

"_Yeah, you're my best friend. I'd be dumb to let you go." He said. He closed his eyes in pain when he felt her stiffen, just the slightest bit he had to take it back._

"_Yeah. Best friends." She said. _

_There was a small silence but Ethan knew he had to make her laugh so he said, "I'm pretty sure all these guys are jacking off at the sight of you."_

_She laughed. "You speaking from experience, darlin?" She asked jokingly. "Don't worry, I can't notice." _

"_Oh no, you didn't! You never, ever diss a man's penis." He said mock seriously. "Ever."_

"_You know you love me." She said smiling up at him._

"_Only slightly." He mumbled._

"_Ha! You wish it was slightly."_

"_You wish I wished." _

"_I don't need to. It's already fact." She said sweetly. "But don't worry, I'll wait for you to get out of this…denial period." _

"_Ha. Ha." _

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><p>She could remember the rest of that night just as vividly as she had the day after it had happened. That night had given her hope. Maybe he could feel something for her too…<p>

But it was too late. She had sent her away. Her and her stupid anger. And now her stupid pride wasn't letting her call him. She really hated her emotions right now…

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><p>Poem Thirty Five (Purple)<p>

Hate, love,

Then everything's purple.

Because hate is a fiery red,

And love is a dark, calm blue…

But than they clash and it's this dark rich violet.

Purple is now my favorite color.

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><p><strong>SOOOOOOO, HOW WAS IT? BE NICE, IF YOU REVIEW…I'D REALLY LIKE YOU TO REVIEW. PLEASE…PRETTY PLEASE.<strong>

**AS ALWAYS,**

**SPIT-FIRE EXTRAORDINAIRE. **


	5. Going Back

**Still no reviews, I'm getting kind of pissed off…Anyway, the story must go on! Mostly because I'm the only one who likes it…**

**When I put this on fiction press it will be edited.**

**This was freaking HARD to write! Talk about writer's block…god. **

**Warning: JUMP IN TIME **

**Approximately 3 months. **

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><p>This life was getting old for him. He hadn't talked to her in three months but her mom had called and said that she had moved back to Gran Cooley with them. He missed her, everything about her. He missed her witty comebacks to everything he said that didn't please her and how she would pout if she didn't get what she wanted. She would not talk to him for about 20 minutes then he'd start singing in an obnoxious voice, making her bite the inside of her bottom lip.<p>

Thinking of her he thought of all the memories they shared. Some she didn't know about. Like the first time he got jealous of her boyfriend or how he punched one of them on the nose for cheating on her. What was his name again? Oh, yeah, Luke. He freaking hated that guy. She had been in love with him for so long and then they finally got together and she was just so happy, it made him sick. But one night she came rushing to his house, crying, still looking gorgeous even though it was raining and she had been waiting outside his house for a while. And she told him that Luke had texted her and said that he found a new girlfriend.

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><p><em>He was seething with anger but she was more important so he quickly opened the door and led her into his room. "Um, if you want to take a shower, just put on one of my t-shirts okay? I'm going to go out. To um…"<em>

"_Kick his ass, right?" She said tiredly. She looked like she was having a panic attack, running her hand through her stringy hair and pacing in the confines of his room. "Be careful. Guy's a football player."_

_He laughed and hugged her. "You know where he is?"_

"_I'm guessing at the party I was all dressed up to go to." She took a look down at her dark skinny jeans and purple shirt that was clinging to her, she really needed out of these wet clothes._

"_Which was where, love?" He didn't know when he had started calling her that but as far as he knew she didn't really mind._

"_Other Cory's, darlin." She said. "Please, don't kill him. I want to do that." _

"_Okay." He kissed her forehead and she shivered, not wanting to even think about what that meant he took the safe route and said, "Take a shower, too. Get warm. I'll be home soon. If anyone comes in-"_

"_I know! Go kick his ass! It's the only thing I have to look forward to." _

"_Okay."_

_He soon was at Cory's and he could tell a party was going on there. Good, people who would be able to see him beat the ego out of Luke Anthony. Too bad they'd be too drunk to remember any of it. Oh well, he was too pissed off to sincerely care. He just wanted to beat the dickhead's brains out. _

_He proceeded to do this after Luke said, "I got what I wanted out of her, man. And boy, was I not disappointed. I don't know why you haven't jumped her yet." Yes, it's safe to say that Ethan was quivering with anger by now. And look, he wasn't a bad guy, he just protected what was his. As far as he was concerned, Kamryn was his. Completely. And irrevocably. _

_So he did what protectors do and beat Luke's brains out, just like he had wanted to. The next Monday he was seen with a black eye and a broken nose. The plus being he was to stoned and drunk to remember exactly __who's__ fist his face had come in contact with. _

_Yes, life was good after that. Mostly because he had felt that he had finally claimed Kamryn, no matter what Luke had stolen from her. _

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><p>But, damn, looking back now he guessed he hadn't really gotten any part of her. If it was that easy for her to leave him than he could move on…He could do that. He could do it, if she could.<p>

But here's something you should know about Ethan Scott Wayne, he can't…

So what else do you do when you are depressed and determined to let the love of your life go? You go to the bar. And that's what he did.

It was such a cliché but he drove to the bar, where he had become a frequent visitor, and even though he had work tomorrow he stayed right in the same spot for nearly three hours. Finally though, Jack kicked him out. "It's closing time, Ethan." Ethan just grunted and stared at his glass. "Come on, son, I'll drive you home."

"No. Have… work… tomorrow." He sighed tiredly.

Jack chuckled. "No ya don't. Come on, if you go to work take a cab back to the bar and pick up your car." He said as he led him to his beat up Ford truck. "It'll still be here."

"Sure."

The ride wasn't very long but it was awkward not saying anything, even if Ethan was drunk he could still sense it. So he said something. "I've decided to let her go."

"Of course you have, son."

"I have! I swear. She could leave so easily, I can do the same thing." Ethan said. "Right? Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"

"How do you know it was so easy for her? She could be hurting even more than you are." Jack said. "You never know."

"I…I guess…maybe you're right. I should go back, you know? Would that be the right choice?"

Jack smiled happily. "I think that would do both of you a world of good."

"Okay." Ethan sighed. "I'll go this week. I'm going back to Gran Cooley. Wow…"

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><p><strong>I know it's short but I just want to get to the ending of this, edit it, and put it on fiction press. The ending is probably going to be awful, according to ya'll. But I think it's perfect for this.<strong>

**But don't worry, the ending ain't coming for another few chapters.**

**How would ya'll feel if Ethan and Kamryn didn't get together at the end of the chapter?**

**Review please %-D**

**Enjoy,**

**Spit-fire Extraordinaire. **


	6. Anything Is Possible, Right?

**Hi guys! Was I missed? Of course not! Because no one is freaking reading this! Oh well, it'll be read once it's on fiction press. So, ha! **

**Anyways, Ethan's in Gran Cooley. Sam is back in town. And Ethan and Kamryn cross paths. **

**Sam is Kamryn's brother, just so you know. **

**Oh, and a love interest for Kamryn!…KIND OF…Not really, but oh well. He's still there and I think he's cool. He kind of reminds me of Emmett from Twilight but is actually based on my actual friend Jake! I love you, Jakey!**

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><p>"SAMMY!" Kamryn said as she ran to hug her brother. "Oh my god! I can't believe you're here for Thanksgiving!"<p>

"Wow. What have you done with my suicidal sister?" Okay, that hit home for her. She was doing good, thank you very much! Getting help and everything! She'd even MET someone! "You must be my sister's new guy."

"Yeah. I'm Jake Scott. I can't believe I'm actually meeting you."

Sam laughed and looked at Kamryn. "A kiss-ass. I like that. At least you know quality soccer."

"So you played with Messi?"

"Yeah. His last year. Taught me everything he knew. He was amazing."

"I love his game, man! Kamryn told me you met Cristiano Ronaldo, too? Dude. You are so fuckin' lucky!"

"He was a selfish dick. But his game really influenced me and he was one hell of a player."

"Yeah, had one hell of a body, too." Kamryn muttered as she leaned against Jake. He wasn't anything like Ethan. He had short, dark brown hair and dark brown eyes. He was kind and he liked sports and he CARED. He was completely taken with her, he looked at her like she was gold. And he wasn't perfect. He was…damaged, just like her. He had had a bad childhood and had dove into drugs and cutting to avoid the pain. They had met in therapy, which was laughable but…she really liked him. She really, truly liked him. And she only thought about Ethan half the time.

"How many times do I have to say, all I could get was an autograph! Besides, he was forty-something and married!"

"I don't really care. He's still hot. Even if the dick-head married yet another model. He needs someone grounded…"

"Like you?" Jake asked with a smile and raised eyebrows.

"Nope. You need me to keep you grounded, Jake." She said as she leaned in to kiss him. After a few seconds she could feel someone staring at them so she turned to where Sam had been. "Sammy, if you don't like what you see-oh…Ethan."

"I…um…Hi, Kam. How've you been?"

"Good. I've been doing…good." God, this was ripping her heart out. Why the hell was he here? She was supposed to be forgetting him and loving Jake and…and this was all wrong! "What are you-"

"Hi. I'm Jake. Kamryn's boyfriend. Who are you?"

"I've been her best friend for…oh, about eight years. And I saved her life. So, yeah. That's who I am."

"Well, thanks, but you can back off. I don't think she's going to hero-worship you or something." Jake said darkly. Okay, this was getting out of hand. He seriously needed to back off. Like now…

"Okay, okay, okay. Let's all, just back off." She said as she dragged Jake away from Ethan. "Darlin," She didn't miss seeing Ethan flinch. "You gotta get back to Spokane, remember? Don't want you getting in trouble with your mom. Tell them I said hi, okay."

Jake nodded. "Yeah, I will." He kissed her briefly. "I wish you could come with me."

"Maybe next year. Now go. I don't want your mom hating me anymore than she does."

Jake laughed and smiled down at her. "Okay. I love you."

Kamryn's smile barely faltered but Ethan still noticed it. Yes! He still had a chance. "I love you too, Darlin."

Once Jake had left, Kamryn turned to Ethan. "I hate you."

"For what? Moving on."

"No. For calling him 'Darlin' and saying 'I love you'. You just have to cause me pain, don't you?"

Kamryn just shrugged. "You hurt me, I hurt you."

"I didn't know if you loved me!" Ethan said. "You never gave me any signs!"

"Seriously? Seriously?"

"Um, yeah. You could have been a little more…I don't know, more."

"'More?'" Kamryn closed her eyes and put her arms around her chest. She had done everything but kiss the living daylights out of him. How could he have been so blind? Did he really want her? "Are you that clueless? I did everything but jump you!"

"Well maybe you should have!" He said to her angrily. "God knows I almost did…"

Kamryn softened for a little bit before hardening her eyes once again. She didn't need him to say exactly what she wanted him to. She needed him to…to…She didn't even know. "I don't need you to be so fucking perfect right now, okay? Be broken! Have flaws!"

"I promise I'm broken now! Do you have any idea how hurt I was? I just told you everything! And you send me away!" He hadn't noticed it but they had grown closer during their argument. Of course, because nothing was easy for them.

"I…" She couldn't really say anything because there he was, his light blue eyes bright with all the pent anger, his chest heaving, and his fists clenching. "I had a choice to make. I couldn't stand to be around someone so perfect, even if I loved you. If I had stayed with you, I would be dead."

"I…I was always the reason, wasn't I? Even that first time?" Ethan whispered.

Kamryn looked down, tears brimming her dark blue eyes. "Yeah…it was always you. Always you and your perfection."

He was silent for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

Kamryn laughed bitterly at that. "There you go again, being perfect…that's why I like Jake. He's flawed."

"He's not good enough for you." Ethan mumbled, trying to take her hand.

"You think you are?"

"Yeah. I'd like to think so."

"Well you're not."

Ethan smiled. "Ah, but you just called me perfect, love." She just narrowed her eyes at him. "I think I'm going to kiss you."

"I think I'll knee you in the balls if you do." She said threateningly, stepping away from him. Too bad the garage was behind her.

"I'll take my chances..." And then he attacked her, kind of. He jumped forward and blocked her escapes with his arms.

"Ethan, let me go! I don't want-" You can guess how he shut her up.

They kissed for a few minutes, she put up little initial resistance. But, eventually, she did pull away. "Shit…you just remembered your boyfriend."

Kamryn nodded. "Yep…" She shrugged then. "I'd better go…It was good to see you again, darlin." She started walking toward her car.

"Wait, what about dinner?"

"I'm going to be a while. Don't wait up." Ethan nodded and headed inside. She got into her car and drove to Cooley Dam. There, she sat on the stone bleachers there thought over what had just happened. Damn, she had been so dumb! Why hadn't she stopped him? Obviously she hadn't wanted to but, what about Jake? Jake was safe. Despite what was wrong with him, he was loving and funny and he was the exact opposite of Ethan. And Jake loved her. Jake wasn't afraid to say that…But he still didn't make her forget Ethan, not completely. Could she really do that to him? Eventually, Jake wouldn't be enough and she had a feeling he thought she was The One. She would leave him, eventually. Could she do that?…Yeah, she actually could. Jake was going to help her get rid of Ethan and then she would leave him. She could live with that. She wasn't that good of a person. Besides, Jake would find someone else. Jake was great.

Yes, Ethan would be out of her head and she would be happy by the end of that relationship…Maybe she'd even stay with him, maybe once Ethan was forgotten, she could love Jake…After all, anything was possible…Right?

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><p><strong>So, how was it? I think it's a little off but it is getting to the good-ish part. I'm sorry I didn't describe the kiss, I just am not into writing about that. <strong>

**Love Always,**

**Spit-fire Extraordinaire**

**READ AND REVIEW**

**PS: EXPECT MORE, IT'S SUMMER YA'LL!**


	7. I Hope You Die

**I know, I know I haven't been posting anything on here. But it hasn't been abandoned. I was just busy with some other stuff. Sorry for all of those who actually read it. **

**Anyway, here is the seventh chapter. Have fun, my pretties. **

**%-D **

**PS: DID YOU JUST SEE THE US BEAT FRANCE IN THE SEMIFINALS? THAT WAS AMAZING. **

**Okay. Here's the story. **

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><p>Stupid, stupid, stupid! What the hell was wrong with him? One minute they're firing at all cylinders, the next he's trapping her against a wall and kissing her like he'd always wanted to.<p>

When she drove away he could barely go through her parents' door and tell them that he had been called into work. "I'm so sorry, I really wanted to spend time with you but you know, work calls."

Kamryn's mother laughed lightly while she took the turkey out of the oven. "That's okay, Ethan dear. I'll tell your parents you said hello."

Ethan smiled in relief at her. "Thanks so much, Beth. Tell Stella I said hello, too. Happy Thanksgiving." He said, starting to make his way back out the door.

"You too, Ethan! Be safe…if you see Kamryn, tell her to come home. I don't trust her to be by herself."

"Sure…" He said and dashed out the door. Should he go after her? Would she just push him away? Was it all even worth it when she'd probably just shoot barbs at him.

He'd just find her, send her home, and leave. And that would be that. He could help her still. He'd never forgive himself if he just let her hurt herself.

It didn't take long to find her. Gran Cooley was a small town and it was hard to miss a bright green Camaro alone in a parking lot. "Kamryn, your mom wants you home."

Kamryn shrugged sadly. "I don't celebrate Thanksgiving."

"Why?"

"Because I have nothing to be thankful for. And I stopped believing God could save me a long time ago, darlin'."

"You can be thankful you're alive. That's a start."

"Not when you don't want to be alive…" She muttered bitterly.

"Will you just stuff that suicidal shit up your as? I don't buy it anymore. You said that your attempts were my fault. I'm gone, what's the problem now?"

"…I can't get you out of my head…And it sucks. I'm not even sure I want to be with you forever. I just love you."

"Kam…"

"I'm moving to Spokane. Going to open a bookstore. I always wanted to, you know." She said wistfully. She looked so serene, so happy that it was kind of freaking him out.

"Hey, love, you alright?"

"Yeah…the pain helps…" It was then he took note of her appearance. There were tiny blood stains on her nails and she was holding the back of her thigh. "You…why?" He asked, not really getting it.

Kamryn shrugged again. "It's doesn't hurt as much as you do."

At that moment, Ethan broke. He stood up and stepped away. She still needed help, because of him. She was gone all because he caused her pain. "I…uh…just get home safe, okay? Do that for me."

Kamryn nodded. "Okay. I hope you die, Ethan." She said it so sweetly you'd think she'd told him to look for a purple unicorn.

"Me too." And with that…he left her sitting there. Damn, isn't he a coward? Yeah, I think so too…

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><p><strong>Sooo….there it is. I think it's pretty good. I think it's going to be one more chapter, with a significant time jump, think Christmas, and then the last chapter. Which is already done, I just need to get this story to the place it needs to be to make sense. <strong>

**Okay. Bye.**

**-Spit-Fire Extraordinaire**


	8. Pain Is A Good Thing

**Here it is the eighth chapter. I have a feeling this will be one of my better chapters, so please, sit back and enjoy the angst. **

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><p>Let's get this straight; pain is a good thing to some people. Pain can set some people free, make them think more clearly. Why do you think you pinch yourself when you think you're dreaming? Pain helps.<p>

One of the lunatics this makes sense to was Kamryn. There she was, broken and crazy, sitting by a freaking huge piece of architecture, bleeding. It was like a drug to her. She loved the way the blood seeping from body felt compared to the only pain that actually hurt.

Ethan…Ethan had hurt so much, taken her out of that oh-so-wonderful stupor when he just walked away from her. How could he? How dare he? He said that he loved her and he just walked away. What kind of messed up shit was that? What world let that happen?

There were things she had wanted to go! Places she had wanted to see! No, she was 23, two years out of college, and she was living with her parents because of her mental issues. Kamryn had been a dreamer, once…she had promised herself that she would do something special, starting with college. Oh, the dreams she had had of college. How she would go to England to get her degrees, and then graduate and travel the world like a nomad, only with a destination each step of the way. Instead, she followed Ethan to college, picked a shitty major, and ended up here. It was all Ethan's fault…It was always Ethan's fault.

He had done this; he had taken her life away from her. She had been brilliant, she was going to go places, and meet people. Instead, she had regrets, already; she had lived a life no one would ever want. She was with someone she didn't even remotely love, in a town no one even kind of knew about, going through pain no one should ever go through.

Whose fault was it again? Ethan's? No, he didn't make her do anything…he had only ever wanted what was best for her. She couldn't blame her shit life on him anymore; none of it was his fault. It had been all her. The suicide attempts, the lack of life, her education…She prided herself on being independent and strong and yet she had blamed EVERYTHING on him. In what world was that logical? How did that make sense? How could everyone but her see that it was all her fault?

Deciding not to go down that road, she got up and walked to her car. When she finally made it there, because for once the pain actually hurt, she just sat in her seat for the longest time, thinking of nothing, before she put the key in and drove away.

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><p><strong>Not much of a cliff hanger but I lost where this one was going. So, here it is, sorry if it's kind of short. <strong>

**Please, review, no one ever does…:/ Don't make me sad!**

**Anyways, thank you for reading this, **

**Spit-Fire Extraordinaire**


	9. Too Good For Me

For the first time since Thanksgiving, Kamryn felt happy. She wasn't with Jacob anymore, something she regretted at times but for the most part, she enjoyed life and her new life in Spokane. She actually had friends can you imagine that. She had moved out of her parents' house and moved in with Aubrianna, the only person who knew what she was going to do after the birthday party she was throwing. "Kamryn! There's someone at the door, I think it's your parents!" Aubrianna yelled from her bedroom.

"I just painted my nails, Aubri!" She yelled, slightly pissed that she would have to mess up her red nails that went with her red mini dress.

"Do I sound like I care?"

"Not particularly, no." Kamryn mumbled and then she sat up from the floor to get the door. She opened it up to see her brother, Sam, and her gay guy friend, Peter. "Hi, guys! Come on in."

"Hey, Kam." Both men smiled and kissed her on the cheek then pulled back and looked at her with guilty expressions on their faces.

Her smile quickly faded and was replaced with a tired expression. "You invited him, didn't you?"

Peter smiled guiltily and said, "Depends on who Him is…If you mean the yummy Portuguese forty-something year old you're still crushing on, then no. However, if you mean a certain person named, oh, I don't know, Ethan Scott Wayne…then, yeah…We did. He's parking the car"

"WHAT?" Kamryn yelled before running to the bathroom and knocking furiously on the door.

"You'd better be dying, Kamryn Noelle!" Aubri yelled from the other side of the door.

"I am!" Kamryn retorted. "Open the stupid-frigging-door!"

"Fine, I did. Happy?" Aubri yelled before she got a good look at Kamryn's face. It was a mix between rage and pure terror. "…It wasn't your parents, was it?"

"Oh, so you knew?"

"Well…yeah," Aubrianna said with a _Well…duh_ expression on her face. "I gave them the idea."

"You…you're my best friend! You know how I am with him!" Kamryn yelled at her.

Aubrianna, however, kept her cool in the face of death and walked past Kamryn. "Come on…I'll show you why…" Kamryn just followed her wordlessly into the living room where Sam and Peter still were. Aubrianna walked to her extensive scrapbook collection and pulled out an especially long one. "Now…don't hate me but I kept a scrapbook of you and…Ethan. I thought you were going to get married and that I could give you this as a wedding present." Kamryn closed her eyes in pain and turned away.

Sam stepped up and hugged his older sister. "We all looked at the pictures…and you looked so happy and in love that we had to get you two together. Don't hate us, Kam. Please."

The petite woman turned away from her brother to look at Aubrianna. "Can I see the pictures?"

Aubrianna looked apprehensive before handing Kamryn the big book. "Sure, sweetie…" Kamryn took the book slowly and sat down on the black leather couch that occupied most of the small space.

The first page was of the first picture ever taken of them. It had been taken on the bus while they were both asleep with Kamryn's feet in Ethan's lap. She laughed quietly at the memories of screaming and threatening Aubrianna if she so much as mentioned it to her family. "I remember that…" She said quietly before moving on.

Each picture had a memory and each one got a different reaction. Some made her laugh at the absurdity of the moment, others just made a small smile grace her features, and others were just so damn romantic that she had to close her eyes and flip the page quickly. She was so engrossed in the pictures that she did not notice Ethan sit beside her and look at the pictures. "Hi." He said in a whisper.

Her head instantly snapped up and she looked at him with wide eyes. "…Hello…"

"Look, Kam, I'm so sorry that I walked away but…hearing that it was always my fault? That's hard because I never wanted to cause you pain and there you were telling me that-"

"That I try to kill myself because of you?" Kamryn chuckled darkly. "Look, I appreciate the apology but this is my birthday and I'm happy. You being here won't exactly help matters."

"Could we just give us a try? Go out on a date? You're better now!" He said quickly, desperately.

She looked down at her lap in pain. "Ethan…we…we can't. We hurt each other too much and I…it's not the right thing to do."

"I won't hurt you! You broke me I'm scarred. I…just give me a chance. Isn't this what we always wanted?"

Kamryn shook her head sadly. "Ethan, I wanted to travel. I was going to do great things but instead…I am a teacher. I never liked kids! But I followed you to that goddamned college because I loved you that much. I don't want to love someone that much anymore."

"Loved? As in past tense…You don't love me anymore?"

"I do…I just…I don't want to be around you." She said quietly, wishing that if she thought it enough, she could change how she felt. She could not love him at all.

"It…it doesn't cause you pain to be away from me?" He asked her desperately. He felt hopeless; if she didn't want him then he didn't know what he was going to do.

"It does. But its better then the pain from being around you." She still did not look at him.

"I don't get it!" He exclaimed before standing up suddenly and running a hand through his long hair. "I'm not perfect! I'm not. And yet you think I am…What's the REAL reason?" When she did not answer he yelled, "TELL ME!"

"YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR ME! IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE PERFECT I KNOW YOU'RE NOT! YOU'RE ALL I HAVE EVER WANTED! IF WE WERE TOGETHER, I WOULD BE CONTINUOUSLY BEATING MYSELF UP BECAUSE I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU! DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU DESERVE BETTER!" Kamryn yelled back at him.

But you see that was the thing. He didn't want better. He wanted her. "When will you get it through your thick skull that I love you for a reason? To me, there is no better." He said calmly. He was through yelling, crying, and HURTING. This was it. If she did not want him then he would leave. He'd probably die of a broken heart but he would leave. If she wanted it.

"Don't make this any harder then it has to be…" She muttered before getting up and leaving him in the living room.

"There's harder?" He asked quietly.

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><p><em>You'll never really understand my pain until you've gone through it. <em>

_You have to go through it. _

_Kamryn got an apartment for her birthday, yeah, I know, an APARTMENT. But that's not the point. The point is that she didn't really see the point in having an apartment if she was going to leave soon anyway. I left right after she sent me away, I couldn't take it. As it happens, my company was moved to Spokane. It would have been perfect if she had chosen to be with me. But it wasn't, so I had to be closer to her, invited to the same dinners as her, and even see her on occasion. It was hard. _

_I'd lost my patience pretty quickly. I had to tell her and I wouldn't take "No." for an answer this time. If she had to call the cops on me, then that's how it was. But I couldn't take it anymore. _

_So I drove to her apartment…_

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><p><strong>Kind of a cliffhanger but not really. I hope you liked the little glimpse into Ethan's head. <strong>

**The next chapter is the last. **

**Yeah, I know. Suckage. **

**Anyway, love ya'll for reading this. **

**Love Always,**

**Spit-Fire Extraordinaire **


	10. Only One Side of The Moon

**Here is the final chapter of "Too Perfect" it has been quite a ride writing this legit story. I hope you all liked it as much as I have…**

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><p>Ethan burst into her apartment, yelling her name, hoping to find her standing there. Just standing there, it didn't matter if she was holding a gun to her heart or a knife to her arm, he just wanted her standing there. But life doesn't always give you what you want, or even what you need. You want to know how I know? Because he had to walk into a barren, practically dilapidated, apartment.<p>

The only thing there was a faded, crumpled note that had most definitely seen better days. He wasn't even reading it as he looked it over. Obviously, she had written it some time ago. Probably before her first suicide attempt…at least she found use for it, and at least it wasn't on her dead body. No body was better than a dead body, if only slightly.

Gingerly, as if it was life itself, he picked it up and read it quickly.

_Did you know you only ever see one side of the moon? _

And he was transported back in time, not literally, but in his mind, he was reliving a memory. A crucial one that decided his fate, practically. And to think this all started on a bus to New York…

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><p>"<em>Okay, we don't mind if you sit boygirl right now but once everyone starts falling asleep, move. Got it? Alright. Have a nice trip, see you guys there?" Pastor Wiley said before stepping off the bus, leaving 20 something teenagers to two women. _

"_Hey, Kamryn, can I sit here?" Ethan asked quietly. In his defense, it was the only seat left, okay? Don't judge. _

"_Um…sure, whatever." She said quickly before going back to her notebook, her hand writing sloppily onto the page. _

_After a few minutes of silence…okay, not all out silence but silence between them…he decided to say something, "What are you writing?"_

_The pretty girl blanched and look up at his eyes, catching them, before looking down again. "Ah, it's nothing, just…a love story…kind of." _

"_Kind of? How is it kind of a love story?"_

"_The main characters are never officially together. Not even in the end." She said quietly, shutting her notebook and leaning against the glass to look at him. _

"_Why?"_

_Kamryn smirked. "Because she wants to cause him pain." _

_Ethan laughed and clarified, "Love story?" _

_Kamryn nodded. "Yup. It's pretty tragic, actually. She ends up dying, just because it'll cause him pain." _

"_How do you do that to someone you love?"_

"_She loves him, she just thinks he deserves it. He kind of does." The petite girl shrugged, her auburn hair falling down her shoulders and bringing his attention to the rest of her. He'd never really looked at her, she was just a fixture at his church, something always there but never noticed. She wasn't overly impressive, he guessed, all auburn hair and dark blue eyes. She was short, too. Even sitting down he could tell that she was short and curvy, but in a kind of good way. Hell, he didn't know. He was only fifteen! _

"_She seems like a jerk." _

"_Maybe," she looked away from him, scanning the bus. "Maybe not." She shrugged again, what was with her and that action? "I don't like the ending, though."_

"_Then change it." _

"_But it's a good one. Life isn't about happy endings and this is life."_

"_It's a book. Books have happy endings. Love stories have happy endings." _

"_Are you sure you're a guy?" Ethan just raised his eyebrow in question. "I just feel like I'm arguing with a nine year old girl about whether or not Miley Cyrus is a slut." _

"_I don't even get that…"_

"_There are excuses, but I have facts." _

"_Give me one example." Ethan said, certain that he had her. _

"_Ah, my new friend, you forget Romeo and Juliet, Troy, Cleopatra and Marc Antony, James and Victoria, Jacob and Bella…Need I go on?" _

"_Jeez, didn't know I was arguing with an expert…" He said, grinning so she knew he was kidding. _

"'_Course you didn't. Why would the author of the subject know anything about it?" _

"_Haha…So…"_

"_So…"_

"_I can't believe we just talked about a deep subject and now we have nothing to say…"_

"_Well you may not but I do."_

_Ethan looked at Kamryn with an amused expression. "And? Care to share?" _

"_Did you know that there are bionic squirrels in your brain, right now, watching a movie." She said in a whisper, as if it was all a big secret. _

_Ethan chuckled silently before leaning closer to her, "What movie?" He asked in the same whispery voice. _

"_Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, of course. What else?" She said with a smile._

"_There's no way…you like those?" _

"_Mmhmm. And superhero movies…just not the old Superman ones. Those are boring pieces of crap." Kamryn said with a laugh. "I take it you like the same?" _

"_I'm insulted you even asked." _

"_Ha…I like you." She said with a smile, studying him softly…if you can study someone softly…Ha. "You're gonna be important to me." _

"_Um…Thanks?"_

"_Don't screw it up." _

_Somehow…that order made him fall for her, he didn't even know how, it just did. She then turned away from him and continued writing in her notebook. Eventually, he stopped staring at her and turned his attention to the movie, but he still found himself staring at her more than the movie. Finally, he caught her looking at the moon with a confused expression on her face, he turned away, not really thinking about it, but when she kept on staring at it, he had to ask, "You having a staring contest?" _

"_It's trying to tell me something…I just…don't know what." She said quietly. _

"_Oh…why is it so important?" _

_Kamryn shrugged and tore her gaze from the moon to look at him, "If someone tries to tell you something, and you were too dumb to listen, then it's not their loss, it's yours." _

"_Hmm, well, what do you think it's trying to tell you?" _

"_Something sad." She told him. They stayed in silence until she apparently understood."…Did you know you only ever see one side of the moon?"_

* * *

><p>"No, no I didn't…" He murmured to no one before putting the note into his pocket and walking out the door.<p>

He never found her.

**THE END. **

* * *

><p>…<strong>I hope it wasn't to depressing for you. But it seemed fitting so I just…ended it like that. <strong>

**I'm sorry if you wanted them to get together, because I didn't…well, I DO but it's just…better if they don't. You understand? **

**Love Always,**

**Spit-Fire Extraordinaire **


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